It is in the final frontier of space that all our endeavors will finally get tested. Unlike StarTrek’s far fetched intergalactic world out there, but surely where no man or woman of our time has gone before, this final frontier of space closer home. In fact, it is our home, which has morphed overnight into the new workplace. This space is to be reckoned with.
And right amid this chaos…more than ever before, we will need to transform our relationship with space, which is even more intimate. The one deep within ourselves.
In the last article, we spoke of our relationship with time. It’s the turn of spaces now. We had explored in the time-structuring article that Intimacy is difficult to sustain and is exhausting. That is because intimacy is intense. It is also timeless. Time seems to expand and expand to what seems like an eternity. It can happen through intimacy with people. It can also happen with a purposeful activity when one is immersed in a challenging task sufficiently matching one’s ability. That state is the Flow State, and time expansion is its clear and conclusive quality.
What most people are experiencing is quite the opposite of that.
Staying at home gives the basic sense of safety, but it is perpetually corroded by the horrific news from the world and inherent uncertainty. The worst of dystopian nightmares is lurking around with your digital messengers serving unfathomable news every minute. So the mental space is not the same.
We are home but not at home with ourselves. All our habituated patterns are shocked away overnight. If anything, newer, rougher emotions are gnawing on our psyche. The same thing happening with others around, the dissonance is adding up disproportionately. Snapping and stinging flutter freely through your rooms, while the uproar hides behind the door to jump at us. The emotional space is not the same.
Of all the platforms, I am running into videos and posts on Linkedin, which are rants about how they are feeling pushed against the wall. Or are the walls squeezing in? So quite literally, even the physical space is squeezed.
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How do we know if it’s time to look at the space? does any of this sound familiar – “My child is snapping at me.” “My spouse is turning moody more intensely. And more often. And longer!!” Or more seriously, “My spouse is having conversations with the refrigerator and microwave.” “My friend is laughing strangely during our video call. I’m concerned.” or the most personal “I am feeling this vague sense of ‘not-ok’ ness that I haven’t ever felt”
Whether it’s our family or others whom we are living with, we have enjoyed our personal space and provided one in return. Whatever that space was, it doesn’t compare to what’s needed now. That old default is no longer in the game.
We sometimes need a reminder for simple things.
Reclaim your Physical Space.
Withdraw to your self. It’s OK to do that.
LOCK THE DOOR.
The understanding that was taken for granted and the arrangements that were predictable once, all are under strain. Many not sustainable.
When you try to isolate yourself for certain periods, there can be a backlash. Create a new agreement around it if you have to. And if you can.
Else, a stitch in time saves nine. One harsh word, one straight conversation to establish boundaries at least for certain times during the day would save a lot of recurring and random uproar.
I paraphrase Carl Jung, who has given the only guidance needed around this:
All suffering is a result of avoiding legitimate suffering.
It may not happen overnight but it has to happen almost as quickly. People around have to quickly learn to give each other space and take their own too. It can never be as much or what it was before. Even the process of reclaiming the space can’t be perfect. It would need to be negotiated.
Image Courtesy: Clément Bucco-Lechat
Reclaim your Relationship Space,
your Inter-Personal Space.
Be empathetic in your reclaiming.
Be grateful above all that you can have a negotiation.
We are withdrawn from the world like never before. But withdrawal is not always bad. It could do wonders if we tune into the ultimate form of it, the intimacy with ourselves by withdrawing even further in.
So, reclaim the space to recharge yourself. Create a physical space for yourself for specific durations of the day.
This is your me-time, in your me-space. You charge yourself emotionally, mentally, physically and/or spiritually.
You reclaim your Personal Space.
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You need to be able to create optimal fitness and connect with yourself, with your authentic peace. Do you have a practice that you use? Is there something more that you would want to take on? A combination of some old and some new ones that calls you now.
You can’t possibly focus on all four every day. Aiming for 3-4 times a week is what will let you stay in the game for a long haul.
Newer challenges are bound to come up. Reclaiming the space approrpiately will create the next level of workability. It will protect your sanity to navigate these extraordinary times. And it will build your stamina to take on all else that emerges.
Do connect with us if you wish to discuss more unique and complex issues of yours. Or need more references for charging yourself.